An Accurate Look at: Hollywood's "Kick-Ass" Adaptation

When I first saw an issue of the Kick-Ass comic on the wall of my favourite comic shop (Carsley's Comics, Montreal's best-kept secret!), I couldn't help but smile. The title, art, and tagline grabbed my interest, and when I finally bought the first issue and read it, I couldn't wait for more. I read them all and really got attached to them. I guess, as a horny bespectacled geek with incredible powers of opposite sex repulsion, the comic really spoke to me. And let's be honest, you've wanted to, at one point or another, be able to do superheroics. I know I have. There, I said it.

I love the book. When I heard about the movie, I was excited. (Well, rather, read about the movie in the back of an issue.) The TV spots and trailers got me pumped. I wasn't crazy about the costume redesigns, but hey, I was sort of expecting that. As long as they didn't mess up the coming-of-age superhero story, I'd be happy.

So I get to the movie theatre and a brace myself for the ride. I mean, the comic is a straight-forward 8-issue miniseries which I read in 2 hours. How could they possibly mess up a film adaptation?

Surprise, kiddies. They messed up the film adaptation. I had no issues with the casting, and the generic superhero-ish music was good. It starts out accurately enough, but then it all falls apart. It's like the writers read the comic, picked-and-chose points they liked, threw out meaningful, important elements that should have stayed, and tossed in needless excessive action-flick content instead of the characters and story that made the book so great.

If you've read my other movie-related articles, you know I don't write spoilers. [And if you haven't read them, just browse the site for posts that begin with the tongue-in-cheek phrase of "An Accurate Look at:"] With that in mind, there really isn't anything much I can mention without spoiling the story, other than some of the most important elements of the book were omitted, making many of the characters seem either excessively flat or just too over-the-top. By reducing the comic's story to an action-packed teen comedy, the mood of the book is completely killed. It was like listening to someone try to tell someone else about something they'd heard but don't know about. Some of the details are there, but the information is just plain wrong.

While the room howled with laughter and applause, I literally exclaimed "What the f#%@?" while looking around. You know that clichéd supervillain hand gesture? Where the fingers are spread out, gripping something that isn't there? It might be easier to visualize if I use a picture:

I'm not even joking when I tell you that my hands hurt afterwards from them both being in that position due to rage. By now, I should be no stranger to Hollywood butchering my favourite comics, but that doesn't make me less annoyed each time it happens. I'm used to facepalming in movie theatres, but this is the first time I've hurt myself due to anger. Yes, something is most definitely wrong with me.

Once again, Hollywood misses the point of the source material. The book is about a young man who tries something ridiculous, and through his actions and interactions with others, learns about the world and grows as a character. It's a coming of age story about missing youths, illusions, expectations, and violence. The movie conveniently pushes all that character junk aside and focuses on the ridiculous. Sure, it's funny, and I laughed at times, but there is more to the Kick-Ass of the comic's world than just comedy. As the book shows us (graphically at times), the joke ends, and that's when reality begins.

The Kick-Ass movie entirely misses the point, mood, message, and spirit of the comic and does not do it justice. It feels like the whole flick would be one of Dave's daydreams in biology class, wearing his Kick-Ass costume under his school clothes. It's that excessive. Yes, I'm attached to the comic, but I'm able to recognize its flaws and shortcomings. Unfortunately, the unplausible elements of the comic were only made worse in the movie. Compared to the movie, the book is non-fiction. Honestly, spend the money on the trade rather than the movie ticket.

An Accurate Look at: "Halo Legends"

Say what you want about fratboys' favourite game involving using thumbsticks to have generic Mary Sue space marines shoot at each other, but the Halo universe is surprisingly deep and fleshed-out, unlike many of the franchise's fans. Whether you like the games for the story, the music, the technology, the characters, the world design, or the multiplayer, or are just a fan of the comics, novels, or merchandise and have never played the games, there's something for you in Halo Legends. Even if you're not very familiar with the Halo universe, Legends is an exciting sci-fi journey that will introduce you to the war-torn galaxy and thrust you into it.


Halo Legends is a series of eight animated episodes (the first two being halves of one story), made by Production I.G, the group responsible for the groundbreaking Ghost in the Shell animés (without a doubt, 2nd Gig is one of the greatest seasons of television I have ever had the privilege of watching, animated or otherwise). The first 2 chapters introduce the history of the Halo universe. As a PC gamer who hasn't yet played Halo 2 since I wasn't going to get a new OS just to play it and Halo 3 isn't even available yet, these episodes were helpful in getting me caught up. They're slow, but dark. Chapter 3, "The Duel," is a heavily-stylized tale featuring the Arbiter being torn between duty and honour. Chapter 4 is titled "Homecoming" and follows a Spartan-II subject who didn't want to be chosen, and features one of the songs right from the soundtrack of HALO: Combat Evolved used particularly effectively. Chapter 5, "Odd One Out," is the story of (I kid you not), Spartan 1337, the clumsy one (remind you of anyone?). It serves as much-needed comic relief, considering the depth and darkness of the other shorts. Chapter 6, "Prototype," is a return to seriousness, in which a troubled sergeant tries to fight the ghosts of his past. (Also, the vehicle introduced in this chapter SERIOUSLY needs to be made into an action figure.) I should also mention that fans of Production I.G's Ghost in the Shell series might pick up on a reference they planted in this episode. The seventh chapter is called "The Babysitter" and follows some ODSTs on the mission of their lives. Which might just be the last mission of their lives. And the final short, "The Package," is a CG-animated space-flying dog-fighting battle as a team of Spartans, led by the Master Chief himself, attempt to retrieve a package stolen by the Covenant.

Legends is immensely enjoyable and exceeded my expectations. The format of a series of short films works to its advantage, showing different facets of the war in ways a single two-hour film could not. My biggest complaint about Legends is the lack of the games' original voice actors. Having Cortana voiced by anyone other than the lovely Jen Taylor just feels wrong. Granted, the actress who gives Legends' Cortana her voice does sound like Jen, but she can't act like Jen, and her performance unfortunately falls somewhat flat. I also found the ending to be a letdown. Sure, I see what they did there, but I was expecting more, especially since it started so strongly.

Halo Legends is an epic journey through time and space, across planets, peoples, and battlefields. The scope of the film is remarkable. There's much more here than just guys in space suits blowing stuff up. The seven-action packed tales present a galaxy in peril and the brave efforts of soldiers doing their jobs with impossible odds against them. I also particularly enjoyed how they portrayed the Spartans: they are looked up to by their fellow soldiers, they are feared by their enemies, and they are devastating when unleashed in the field -- but they are human. They are fallible. And they are mortal.

Legends' seven action-packed tales of sacrifice and honour are exciting, but also touching and powerful. Never thought you'd hear something Halo-related be "touching," did you? And that damn sad tune gets to me every time. Legends reveals the grit and pain of war. It's not all pulling a trigger and getting Gamerscore, boys and girls.

Halo Legends is available on DVD, Blu-Ray, and as 2-disc special edition DVD set. And no, you won't get any Achievements by watching it, but that's not a reason to avoid this adventure. Frat boy Halo fans will clearly not see the merit in Halo Legends. But for all you Halo fans out there with taste, Legends is not to be missed.

The Legacy of Rapture Continues...

So, recently - several years after its initial release - I obtained a copy of Bioshock. And finished it quite promptly. To say the least, I was sucked wholly into the world of Rapture and its filthy and degenerate populace. The game's steampunk-esque world and intricate storyline are worth the buy alone. The game itself plays like a dream, alternating between plasmids (like superpowers...that become part of your DNA) and regular weapons. The hacking system was fun, the graphics beautiful, the game just the right level of challenging. And for those who like to simply rush through games in order to reach the ending, I don't recommend this for Bioshock. I recommend taking the extra few minutes to explore small areas and discover the tape recorders which reveal background plot and secret information about Rapture, widening its range even further. Although the end Boss fight was a might to quickly finished in my opinion, the game itself was hours of fun and includes hours of re-playability with different plasmid and tonic (like...body enhancements) choices.

The story is that you are a man on a plane in 1959 and you crash in the ocean, stumbling upon a lighthouse like structure in the middle of the ocean. You enter and discover the underwater city of Rapture, a city meant for the worlds best and brightest to be themselves with no hindrance - an intellectual Utopia. But it has all gone horribly wrong, with gene-splicers gone mad, raving and violent, everywhere. You are helped by man via radio named Atlas who tells you you must take down Andrew Ryan, Rapture's creator and current Head Honcho. Along the way you must collect ADAM to buy upgrades and extra plasmids and tonics. The only way to do so is to harvest or rescue a Little Sister...who is protected by the heavily armored and deadliest creature in Rapture, the Big Daddy.

Luckily for me, when I received and finished Bioshock, Bioshock 2 was only within a month of release. So, I pre-ordered, and I got. I finished Bioshock 2 and was left just as impressed as I was before, I refreshing feeling from a sequel. Considering it was almost three years on in development, I suppose it was likely to be good. The adventure continues, but this time it is ten years on since the end of Bioshock and you are playing the Alpha Series of Big Daddies, your name is Delta. One of the original, plasmid using, more independent thinking Big Daddies, your quest to save Rapture from itself continues.

The game-play did not go untouched, however. Plasmids have been edited and made severely better. Enemies have been made tougher, and some new faces show up - it can't be all the same, your a Big Daddy now. The system for hacking was changed, not for the better I feel, but I suppose to a more realistic format. At least, compared to previously. The ADAM gathering, which is now done by adopting a Little Sister as your own so she can collect the ADAM from the "angels" (Can you see the light in their tummies?), is incredibly hard. Or, can be. The game is surely tougher, despite the fact you are constantly dual wielding plasmids and weapons at the same time, including the signature Big Daddy drill.

The new nemsis, Sophia Lamb, has taken over Rapture and attempted to mold it in her image - and that imagine is reminiscent of a certain Dorian Grey. New splicers and Big Daddies attempt to stop you on your quest to save the Little Sisters and take down Sophia Lamb and her new weapons, the Big Sisters.

A fun game with many hours of game-play and re-playability, this game is highly worth the expense. And if you're into art and music, I recommend the Rapture Edition which includes the soundtrack of Bioshock 1 on vinyl, the soundtrack of Bioshock 2 on CD, the Art Book for Bioshock 2 and some Rapture posters. Mahalo.

Conan the Entertainer

Late-night TV wasn't funny to me until I started watching Conan O'Brien's show years ago. The unfunny old guy and the annoying dick who jacked Bruce Campbell's chin are not entertaining in the least. (The guy from The Drew Carey Show is great, though.) Conan's damn funny. He used to write for SNL years ago and his seasons of The Simpsons are by far the pinnacle of that series (which today is put a hollow shell of what it once was). Conan's strange humour and self-deprecation made his late-night program immensely enjoyable. Nothing was taken seriously because everything was fun, even the really messed-up characters, such as Vomiting Kermit, the Insult (occasionally) Comic Dog, and the Masturbating Bear.

Flash forward a few years. Conan gets to take over The Tonight Show, which is a huge deal. I watched the first episode, laughed like hell, and loved it. It was great to see Conan with Max and the band at an earlier time doing the same kind of gags they usually do. The bits about Conan dicking around in the studio backlot were hilarious - pretending to do an exorcism on cohost/sidekick Andy Richter as the studio tour bus drove by, turning his desk into a go-kart and drag racing a forklift operator, and taking a tour group out on the town, to name just a few moments. Don't forget his other escapades: going guitar-hunting thanks to Craig's List with his buddy Slash in tow, and pimping around LA in his green '90s Ford Escort, getting girls pregnant by just looking at them and making Fabio himself feel jealous.

Remember the BIG events outside his studio? The human cannonballs? The Grave Digger monster truck leaping over a ramp to stomp a giant pumpkin? The "Conan, Please Blow Up My Car" contest in which they actually blew up the winner's old clunker? (Don't feel bad. The winner received a brand new car as a prize.)

Well, all that's over. You know what's been going on. And it's not funny.

Last night was Conan's final episode on The Tonight Show before it will return to the humourless drivel it was prior to his arrival. Conan had a few jokes about what will become of their new studio, suggesting they leave it empty as a metaphor for NBC programming. How fitting.

His guests included Steve Carrell as an NBC bureaucrat, followed by a tired, nostalgic Tom Hanks, who emerged from backstage with round sunglasses and two glasses of scotch - one for Conan and one for himself. Sidekick Andy Richter, of course, carries a flask in his breast pocket. Tom Hanks and Conan spoke about the good old days, when Hanks hosted SNL and Conan, "the Irish kid," would write sketches for him.

The musical number was an incredible performance by Neil Young. Yes, the Neil Young. When he heard the news about the NBC late-night fiasco, he was the first to offer Conan support.

The closing act of the show featured Max and the band and guest Will Ferrell performing Free Bird, with Conan on guitar. While Ferrell's overall unfunniness and inability to sing ruined what should have been a powerful finale to Conan's stint on The Tonight Show, the most powerful moments of the episode was the montage of various unforgettable moments from the seven months Conan hosted (including some of the clips mentioned earlier), Conan's farewell speech, and the audience's unstoppable roaring applause. I've never cried watching late-night talk shows, but if any episode ever gave me a reason to, it would be this one.

Farewell, Conan. Thanks for the laughs and the good times. Best of luck in the future. I can't wait to see you on my TV screen again.

Funny Games Hedges Its Bets

As I type, I have just finished watching perhaps one of the most disturbing films I've ever seen. Written and directed by Caché's Michael Heneke, Funny Games is a powerful deconstruction of the presentation of violence in the media, and the expectations of the audience. Those of you who have seen either Caché or any other of Heneke's films know that he likes to disrupt the audience's experience by giving them the unexpected in the most powerful way possible, and Funny Games does just that.

A happy, wealthy suburban family George (Tim Roth), Ann (Naomi Watts) and their son Georgie (Devon Gearhart) are just beginning their holiday in their beautiful summer home when two creepy and soft-spoken teenagers, Paul (Michael Pitt) and Peter (Brady Corbet) invade their home and proceed to toy with the family for their own twisted amusement.

Ann: Why don't you just kill us?!
Peter: Never underestimate the importance of entertainment.

Exactly. Heneke is clearly toying with the audience's desire to see a film where the family is tortured (physically and emotionally) with the real possibility of death. This is done in a fashion which can only be described as "soul destroying" as you watch the family desperately trying to get free from the grasp of these insane people, whilst simultaneously making the audience uncomfortable with some very unexpected moments of breaking the fourth wall from Paul. The film comments on how violence is seen in film and on the news, how the audience is separated from the violence by the television screen, but that doesn't stop it (philosophically) from being real.

Paul: [Fiction] is just as real as reality because you can see it too.

Overall the film is stylistically brilliant and very well scripted, but definitely not for the faint of heart. Although the viewer is uncomfortable for almost all of the film, it is still (for lack of better terms) an enjoyable watch - that is, if you don't mind your soul being just a little destroyed. Mahalo.

An Accurate Look at: James Cameron's "Avatar"

Last year, I got into a free screening of a 15-minute preview of James Cameron's Avatar. You might remember that I wasn't particularly enthused. Hence my not reviewing the film when it came out in December, instead waiting until the New Year to bother seeing it. Was it worth it? Let's find out.

Avatar takes place in the future, on a dangerous, distant alien world called Pandora (note the name). Humans are there for the sole purpose of robbing it of its natural resources, an element called "unobtanium" (note the name). Along with the military forces is a team of scientists, lead by a lady named Grace (note the name) who wishes to learn of the planet rather than rape it.

The humans are obviously at odds with Pandora's natives, a race of blue anthropomorphic cats, hereafter referred to as "furries." The furries are primitive, living with nature, wearing little clothing, and fighting with bows and knives. Some uptight people would probably get upset and draw comparisons between the furries and African tribes (and there's a lot of evidence for them, believe me).

To get closer to furries and attempt any kind of communication, Grace's team technologically transmits their consciousnesses into some lab-made furry bodies. With these "avatars," they are able to roam Pandora and interact with the natives. But not all goes well, as you'd imagine.

The world of Avatar is very well-designed and feels complete. The humans have incredible technology: holograms, cryosleep, badass mech suits, and of course, the avatar technology. The furries have their own culture, their own customs, their own language, and their world is beautiful. Some of the scenery is breathtaking. And the animals of the world are frighteningly unusual. There's a real sense of being on another world. This isn't just New Zealand with a giant fibreglass tree, people.

But a fleshed-out world is nothing without characters. Unfortunately, Avatar's characters are dull archetypes. You have the Unlikely Hero/Chosen One (complete with troubled past!), the Geek Who Learns to Be A Man, the Hotshot Driver, the Gruff Drill Sergeant military guy, the Profiteer, etc. None of the characters are particularly fleshed out. They all feel very flat and uncompelling. The story has been done before. Ever seen Dances With Wolves? Then you've seen Avatar. Combine uninteresting characters with a generic, predictable lacklustre story, and what do you get? A letdown of an overhyped blockbluster.

But what about the amazing IMAX DIGITAL 4-D? Surely the stunning visual effects will redeem Cameron's flick? While I enjoyed the 3D of the 15-minute preview, those scenes were obviously chosen to demonstrate said 3D. In the final film, though, the pop-up visuals really don't stand out. While other 3D flicks milk their AMAZING 4-D GRAPHICS for all its worth with gimmicks such as axes flying "through" the screen and other objects "reaching out" towards the audience, Avatar features none of that crap. You will notice the 3D and in some scenes it looks great - just look at the hologram projectors. But as they've avoided obvious shots such as spaceships flying out of the screen, nothing in particular stands out. The 3D ends up feeling underused, and, outside of a few scenes, you'll wonder why you bothered paying so much for an Imax 3D ticket in the first place. Don't get me wrong. The 3D is constant throughout the film, it just doesn't seem to add much. Perhaps it would have ha dit not been so subtle.

Avatar is an overhyped version of Dances With Wolves set in space, with elements of Alien thrown in and some freaky furry crap off Deviant Art somehow made the cut. The good action scenes and terrific creature design do nothing to save the film's uncaptivating story and flat characters. Yet another disappointing overmarketed blockbluster.

Make Way, Make Room for the Brothers Bloom!

It is very rare to encounter a film which so immediately becomes one which you can watch and rewatch without its contents becoming tired and bland. Even rarer is it to come across such films whilst on a fourteen hour flight between Sydney and Los Angeles. As I flicked through the entertainment system on my flight, I came across an interestingly titled film called "The Brothers Bloom" which I had never heard of. This was strange to me, as I like to keep up with new films, and it had a cast including Adrian Brody, Mark Ruffalo and Rachel Weisz.

To use the words 'cute' and 'endearing' to describe this film would be an understatement. So would 'hilarious' and 'quirky'. The film opens with a fairytale-esque sequence of the main characters Steven (Ruffalo) and Bloom (Brody) as children, with narration that rhymes in a cadence similar to that of Disney films or other such children's films, but with a distinct dark humour to it. After this and as soon as the film opens properly, you are met with a story so intriguing and characters so compelling and likable that you are actually disappointed when the films ends, wanting more. The brothers Bloom are conmen who find their final mark in the form of eccentric (and beautiful) shut-in, Penelope (Weisz).

Although there are moments with the intricacy of the plot is confounding, it can be revealed upon further viewings, which will be wanted as a result of the overall sweetness and enjoyability of the film as a whole. It is a thoroughly enjoyable film and will leave you with tears of joy and the laughter of sadness. Mahalo.